Chapter 14
Ghosts in the Machine
We're hanging in the sky looking at the Biopolis, this time by day. The signs and slogans aren't quite as faded or jaded, and the buildings themselves have a crisp new look to them.
Slow, gradual zoom-in to a single window much the same in appearance to the hundreds of other windows surrounding it.
A kindly-looking elderly gentleman clad entirely in white standing with his hands clasped behind his back stares out the window - not at us, but at the still-growing skeletons of towering buildings nearby. Far on the horizon we see the first bones of The Dome going up. He (The old man, not his dome) has a regally receding hairline and proud, pronounced brow-ridges, and his eyes burn with a frightening intensity. His mouth is set in a thin, angry line and his entire body looks tense... like a coil about to explode into outer-space. We realise with a shock that this is the Emperor, in his younger days. (it's written in big letters on the back of his shirt - I AM THE EMPEROR IN MY YOUNGER DAYS.)
He's standing in what is clearly a scientific laboratory, its barren whitewashed walls and harsh flourescent lighting accentuating the massive bulk of a supercomputer occupying most of the available floorspace, somewhere in the midst of which is seated a skinny man with wild Einsteinian hair, in a white coat and wearing big goggly glasses. Thousands of tiny coloured lights wink on and off, describing intricate patterns and fractals dancing down the flanks of the monstrous machine, and it whirs and clicks quietly to itself clearly deep in thought. Engraved in small letters near the scientist's console are the words "TOP SECRET! Deep Blue mk III, Extremely Accurate Heuristic Future Simulator. Not to be used for predicting 4D results or Prophesying for Profit."
A small grey box containing the words "Windows has caused a general protection fault at module simulator.exe..." pops up suddenly on the video display unit.
"Aww crap. Sir? The machine just predicted that you'll blow up the world... yet again."
"What?"
Piak! "ouch!"
"What went wrong this time?"
"Well this time round the rebels, led by Kit, Jean and some guy in a trenchcoat got even further, succeeding in hijacking the TCS (Television Corporation of Singaland) broadcasting studios, inciting an insurrection and destroying the dome. Oh yeah, and you were assassinated too..."
PIAK PIAK PIAK
"Incompetent! Buffoon! You want me to break your head?? Obliterate them all!"
"Well, sir, thus far we've simulated having Kit killed, having him kill himself, re-educating him in custody, heck we've even had him sexually assaulted as a child and growing into a loonybin. Everytime, he either gets brought back to life, fails to die, or bounces back to lead the rebels to victory, or else some other hero rises up to take his place. Worse still, for some reason they remain in all other simulations. Now we've got this Jean person, and this trenchcoat guy whoever he is. Who can tell what will happen if we kill off all three? Another three new heroes to persist in all subsequent timelines, regardless of whether or not the first three were present? If we keep at this, we're going to turn the entire flock of cowering sheep into rabid, heroic sheepdogs!"
Piak!
"The machine must be wrong!"
"Impossible sir, it's 99.999% accurate. And it beat Gary Kasparov yet again this year for the thousandth time in a row."
"Then do IT AGAIN! Make it so!"
"Sir, we've tried thousands of times now. We've crushed the resistance underfoot like cockroaches over and over again, and always, like cockroaches they come right back and grow even bolder. We factor in every known variable and yet it all goes kaputt. It's almost as if we're trying to fight against fate herself."
Piak. The slap is almost halfhearted this time, bordering on dejected. Unfazed, the scientist continues doggedly to speak.
"Sir, if I may. Perhaps we're going about it all wrong, and maybe the salvation of your empire lies in a, ah, small change in the approach of your leadership? Maybe you can't really take freedom away from people, or breed it out of them - maybe it's simply in their blood."
PIAKPIAKPIAKPIAK. The emperor springs into motion and deals a devastating flurry of overhand and backhand slaps to the cowering boffin's cheeks, forcing him to the ground with his arms over his face.
"NEVER!!! I don't pay you to think! These ingrates do not DESERVE to be free! They need to be LED! I don't care how you do it, or how many people you have to kill - just destroy the rebels! All of them!"
Face livid and chest heaving with his exertions, the supreme leader swings away from the sobbing scientist and stalks about the room muttering angrily to himself. He stops before the camera and stares furiously at us.
"What the *!** is this doing here?"
PIAK!
The screen goes dark.
*****
Roll credits...
Dedicated to the memory of a special woman who shot the author square between his eyes, once upon a lifetime ago.
Special thanks to :
- a particular sassy, slinky, silly sellavision-obsessed supermodel-type individual who served as part-inspiration for the character of Jean. Here's looking at you, kid and hoping you get all the breaks you deserve.
- a certain diffident, moderately-depressed young man who judges himself more harshly than anyone else does. Take home message of the day is that there's a hero in all of us... and if the world screws you over... then sod it. Because, as Confusion say, every cloud has a silver lightning lining. Also say, Man who have hands in pocket not crazy, just feeling nuts.
- each and every one of you who has bothered to take the time to wade through all this gobbledegook. You are all clearly clinically insane and I recommend you contact a clinical psychiatrist as soon as possible.
Featuring :
Rebels
Kit ................................................ Jean
Jean .............................................. Kit
Coat .............................................. Sir Gawain the Green Knight
Pierre ........................................... Some White Guy With a Really Bad Accent
Arnold Schwarzenkopfen .............. Arnold Dumbenkopfen
Dr Chee Cheong-Fun .................... Dr Chee Soon Growabrain
Other Rebel Soldiers .................... Worthless Unnamed NS men
Rebel Technicians ........................ Foreign TalentS
Chee the Dog ................................ Laddie the Wonderpug
Imperials
The Emperor ................................ The Father
BG Lea Sing Longandstrong........... The Son
Patrician Go Chokein Thongs ........ The Holy Goh (scene axed due to general insipidness and to make way for Destiny's Child)
Pink / Baby (Si) Fatt ..................... Herself
Deputy Patrician 1 ........................ Some poor sap (who died young)
Deputy Patrician 2 ....................... Some other poor sap (who died young)
Inspector Ding .............................. Dumb
PC Sum ......................................... Dumber
Drizzletrooper Captain .................. Captain Iam A. Twat
Drizzletroopers ............................. More Worthless Unnamed NS Men
Mad Scientist ............................... Ngiaow of Ah Ngiaow's $5.00 Or Luak
Thousands of extras ..................... Thousands of extras
This entire story was written in Dobby Surroundword (tm)
Special effects by Industrial Lights and Monkey
Music by Mega Tictactonedeaf and the Mighty Knobs (I Gotta Hold On You)
No animals, plants or human beings were harmed in the making of this story. (Yet.)
All the characters and locations portrayed in this story are almost certainly fictional. Any resemblances to people or places alive, dead or boring are mostly coincidental, or products of your own sordid imaginations.
Copywrong (c), 2004
